A Toddler Makes the Rules

This blog is. a. riot.

Not this one, well, yes this one, but this one.

I’m a big fan of babies as adults. Not like Angela on The Office, a little more mild than that. Like, making babies pantomime dance moves that are obviously too advanced for them, or having a baby party and then making two babies come together and hug each other at an outdoor cafe while Swiss people look on horrified. Only Jill understands this last part.

Anyway, babies and toddlers are hysterical. Probably some of my favorite people in the world. This blog post, written from the point of view of a toddler is a hoot. Said toddler tries to delicately describe to a part what a dinner menu should look like with four carefully chosen options. I particularly love:

  • Step 5 of Option 1: Toast with Butter, “Ask toddler how he or she would like toast prepared or cut. Don’t make assumptions. You don’t know anything about anything.”
  • Step 7 of Option 2: Pasta with Butter, “Resist the urge to add spices or parmesan cheese which is not actual cheese but very small flakes of dry cheese and disgusting. If there is something wrong in your head and you try to add a puree of garbanzo beans or nutritional yeast you are not ready to be a parent.”
  • Step 3 of Option 3: Crackers and Cheese, “Select a normal, non-artisan cheese like mild cheddar. Cut squares that are all the same shape. Don’t let cracker crumbs stick to the cheese. Please take some pride in your work.”

Seriously, it’s a scream. You should definitely read it. I really like to read something by a parent than can find a great sense of humor in child rearing. While many years from producing little creatures myself, I tend to get my exaggerated eye-roll on when I read too much about home births, feeding babies like they’re a little bird, or elimination communication. (woof in regards to that last one, by the way). This blog is refreshing to say the least.


On that note, Happy Weekend! And here’s to enjoying meals not dictated by a diaper-wielding toddler. Huzzah!


3 thoughts on “A Toddler Makes the Rules

  1. Damn you childless one! While I endure a weekend of fetching, wiping poop, whining, and stepping in unidentified stuff! Then again, I also get kisses, cuddles, and exuberant expressions of love. Fair trade I suppose.

  2. Pingback: Search Queries: Vol. 3 | A Broad At Home

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