Back with some tunes that I’ve been listening to on repeat lately. Perfect for:
indulging your inner grunge girl tendencies
when trouble comes
putting your head down and working
jamming and dancing like an idiot
background music (I mean that as a compliment)
What are you listening to these days?
We’re headed to Iceland tomorrow! This is that impulsive trip I mentioned a couple weeks ago and everything about coordinating it has been entirely last-minute. We booked every accommodation less than a week before leaving. We weren’t sure about our rental car until Tuesday. This is, in short, not how I like to travel. I’m a planner almost to a fault.
But! Man alive, I am so looking forward to this trip and I know Adam is too. We just need a break. So last-minute plans be damned, we are going to Iceland!
Our plan is to spend two days in Reykjavik and then head out on the open (slightly scary-sounding) road. We want to visit the southern coast, ride horses, visit the western coast and Snæfellsnes Peninsula, and finally stop at the Blue Lagoon before heading back to the airport next weekend. I’m looking forward to relaxing in the evenings and feeling invigorated by the solitude of the countryside. There are 20 hours of sunshine every day this time of year. It’s going to be such an adventure!
I actually had a bit of a hard time finding a lot of information about Iceland, specifically itineraries and tips so if you have any I would love to hear them! This will be a totally new scenery for us, which is very exciting.
I do have a couple posts planned for next week (go me!) so it won’t be totally silent. I hope you have a great week and look for a few updates from me on Instagram.
(images 1 and 4 via the Charleston-based photographer Olivia Rae James // images 2 and 3 via NISHAANTISHU)
Every Tuesday at 5:30 my friend Nicole and I meet up for beers at Barbiere. I have just come from tutoring two seven-year-olds and she has just finished a music class with her two-year-old daughter. We’re both in need of a little libation.
We usually stay for two beers (I buy the first round and she buys the second) but sometimes one of us has to bail early depending on her train schedule or my need to run to the grocery store before it closes in order to grab dinner. Our goodbyes may be harried at times, but I look forward to the conversation and tradition every week.
Last night I was talking to my dad about just such thing and he was telling me how much he’s anticipating a week-long fishing trip with his brother that’s coming up in a few weeks. Work is totally nuts for him at the moment and he likes having something to look forward to. We all need to have something that we look forward to, whether it be as simple as an hour get-together with a friend or a trip with a brother who lives across the country.
Similarly, every Wednesday morning Adam and I grab coffee and breakfast at a cafe downtown (we currently favor Adriano’s because of the outdoor seating). I usually read The International New York Times after he leaves to go to work and enjoy a leisurely morning. It’s one of my favorite parts of the week.
Sometimes I get really lonely living here. I can feel really low, especially when I’m feeling homesick or insecure. Having these moments to look forward to makes such a big difference in my day-to-day life. When my friend Nancy was still living here we made a point to get together a couple times a week, even if it was to accompany each other on errands. I’m now in a dinner club of sorts with a couple other women I’ve met through my club and we try to meet once a month and grab burgers or Lebanese food. Setting up little traditions can make all the difference in a place that doesn’t always feel like home.
What about you? Do you have any standing dates? What do you look forward to every week?
Being Mortal: Medicine and What Happens in the End is the exact opposite of everything on your summer reading list, but it should be the first book you pick up.
This is Atul Gawande’s fourth and yet most personal book. It is a critical examination on the specifically American tendency to make the end of our lives a medical experience instead of a meaningful, personal one. Gawande offers anecdotal and research-based evidence that suggest we are approaching death and dying in denial.
“This is a modern tragedy, replayed millions of times over. When there is no way of knowing exactly how long our skeins will run–and when we imagine ourselves to have much more time than we do–our every impulse is to fight, to die with chemo in our veins or a tube in our throats or fresh sutures in our flesh. The fact that we may be shortening or worsening the time we have left hardly seems to register. We imagine that we can wait until the doctors tell us that there is nothing more they can do. But rarely is there nothing more that doctors can do. They can give toxic drugs of unknown efficacy, operate to try to remove part of the tumor, put in a feeding tube if a person can’t eat: there is always something. We want these choices. But that doesn’t mean we are eager to make the choices ourselves. Instead, most often, we make no choice at all. We fall back on the default, and the default is: Do Something. Fix Something. Is there any way out of this?”
Gawande is a surgeon at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston so he brings a note of expertise to the subject. He speaks sincerely about being in the exact position he urges doctors to step away from: that of offering the patient more alternatives rather than encouraging them to accept finality of their diagnosis. He is very candid about how monumentally difficult it is not to become as optimistic as the patient does. Still, he urges medical professionals to do the hard work and make death and dying more about being comfortable with the final days, weeks, months, or years instead of pushing for more experimental treatment or miracle cures. In his book, Gawande advocates for the use of hospice and shows compelling evidence that suggests that choosing it as opposed to continuing treatment can actually prolong life, writing, “you live longer only when you stop trying to live longer.”
His stories are very personal: some are about friends or acquaintances, patients he’s treated, and even family members, including is grandfather who lived to be 110 years old. He discusses the evolution of nursing homes and assisted living and how they can so easily crush the spirits of the inhabitants if they fail to honor their independence. In addition to being a surgeon, Gawande is also a staff writer for The New Yorker. He is a gifted writer, adept at seamlessly weaving narrative and scientific research into a compelling argument.
Over and over again Gawande pleas for us to reconsider how we approach our end-of-life moments. It never feels redundant, however, because it represents not only a radical idea but a much larger cultural shift in our thinking and attitudes. In 1945 nearly all deaths occurred at home, but by the 1980s, only 17% did. We’ve hospitalized and institutionalized the most sacred event of our lives.
I can’t help but recall Brittany Maynard’s story from last fall. To recap, in June 2014 Brittany was told by her doctors that her brain cancer was inoperable and terminal. She was 29 years old and a newlywed hoping to soon start a family. Instead, she and her family moved from the Bay Area to Oregon in order for her to legally obtain aid-in-dying medication. She had consulted with her doctors about what the end of her life would look like, body-wracking seizures and loss of control over most bodily functions, and knew she wanted to die before it reached that point. She died on November 1 after suffering a seizure only hours before, 30 minutes after taking the lethal pill. She was surrounded by her closest family and friends while a playlist she made beforehand played softly in the background.
Her choice of death with dignity has since reignited a national conversation about the moral and ethical ramifications of taking control of the end of our lives. Many states have reopened discussions on legislation for death-with-dignity bills. It is a charged conversation, but one that I believe Atul Gawande is fighting for.
“All we ask is to be allowed to remain the writers of our own story. The story is ever changing. Over the course of our lives, we may encounter unimaginable difficulties. Our concerns and desires may shift. But whatever happens, we want to retain the freedom to shape our lives in ways consistent with our character and loyalties.
This is why the betrayals of the body and mind that threaten to erase our character and memory remain among our most awful tortures. The battle of being moral is the battle to maintain the integrity of one’s life–to avoid becoming so diminished or dissipated or subjugated that who you are becomes disconnected from who you were or who you want to be. Sickness and old age make the struggle hard enough. The professionals and institutions we turn to should not make it worse. But we have at last entered an era in which an increasing number of them believe their job is not to confine people’s choices, in the name of safety, but to expand them, in the name of living a worthwhile life.”
Our impulse is to refuse these kinds of conversations. They are morbid, disturbing, and unsettling. But, as Gawande shows time and again, they are essential. It’s too difficult to make critical decisions when the time of crisis arrives. We are emotional and hopeful to a fault. The more we talk about what we want our end-of-life moments to look like and how we’d like them to play out–that is, well before the eleventh hour–the more likely we are to find ourselves in a position of dignity and peace.
What are your thoughts? Have you read this book yet? I’m so curious to hear what you think about these ideas.
p.s. For further reading, see “Overkill”, Gawande’s most recent article for The New Yorker.
(image of Atul Gawande by Aubrey Calo via his website)
Have you heard of Kickstarter? It’s a website designed to help fund creative new projects ranging from music and art to design and technology. The concept is all-or-nothing, so if a project does not receive the full funding they’ve requested then no money is actually spent. There’s great incentive to spread the word about your ideas and inventions in order to receive full backing.
We’ve participated in a lot of Kickstarter campaigns in the past. My favorite notebook, Baron Fig, was originally a Kickstarter project, but you can now buy them here. I’m currently supporting a Joan Didion documentary and my friend’s LP. It’s an exciting way to encourage entrepreneurs and creativity.
Adam recently stumbled upon a couple of projects that are still open and I thought I’d share them with you because they are things I would actually be interested in having, especially MIITO. It’s a “sustainable alternative to the electric kettle” that heats liquid in your desired vessel, thereby eliminating the usage of extra water and electricity. The design is beautiful and sleek and would look great on any countertop. I’d love to have one for making my daily afternoon tea.
There are still 12 days to go for the campaign if you’re interested in pledging, though they’ve already raised €515,000, €365,000 over their original goal, meaning that this project will definitely be backed. Looks very cool!
The other project is The Light Phone, a cell phone that only makes calls. It’s the size of a credit card and “designed to be used as little as possible.” There are no distracting notifications, apps, or games that might divert your attention while you are out with friends. It’s an interesting, almost retroactive concept given that this is actually how cell phones started. Of course they’ve mutated into something far more ubiquitous and distracting. I like the idea of encouraging people to be more engaged with their surroundings rather than with what’s happening on their phone.
There are 26 days left to go for this fundraiser and you can still pledge if you’re interested. Like MIITO, The Light Phone has surpassed its original goal so it will definitely move forward in design and execution, meaning this is a fail-safe project to be a part of.
Have you ever donated to a Kickstarter project before? What are your thoughts? Would you have pledged to help fund any of these wacky inventions of the past?
(image 1 via // image 2 via // image 3 via // last two images my own)
