Well, we’re nearing the end of my distrustfulness. Someone asked me a couple of weeks ago whether or not my birthday on Sunday is a milestone one, and I answered yes, though the truth is probably no. It’s my twenty-ninth.
I really liked being 28. I kinda thought it was the perfect age. When I was 11 I thought that 29 was old and I would be married with a dozen kids and teaching third grade. I’m very happy to be married and NOT teaching third grade, and Adam please don’t ask me to have a dozen kids. I can’t do it!
The point is, now that I am 29 I realize how young 29 really is. Being this age is fun! I still feel 23 most of the time (except when it comes to recovery time…) and I’m pretty happy about that. The thought of turning 30 makes me a little nervous mostly because I’ll now be identifying with an entirely new group of people and responsibilities. It’s also what makes me scared of becoming a mom: joining a new group of people who are intimidating and focusing on aspects of life that are so different from my daily experience. Women’s magazines don’t make this any easier, dividing clothing, make-up, and sometimes entire approaches to life into expectations for your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, and so on.
But age is just a number, right? A state of mind. Still, inching toward the end of this decade, a decade of incredible life changes, growth, fun, and love, feels like a slow loss. Of youth, some innocence, endless trial-and-error, and a good dose of whimsy. I’m not suggesting that these suddenly disappear when the clock strikes midnight on your 30th birthday. Certainly not. I have friends who are in their mid- or late-thirties who still feel 28 (something to look forward to), and a lot of their attitudes haven’t changed. But their expectations, pressures, and concerns have. And I feel like I’m prematurely mourning the loss of the carefree nature of my twenties: the permission to be a little crazy and weird (and, if we’re honest, selfish) and have that sort of be okay with everyone. Because, hey, she’s only in her twenties.
I’ve got some good ideas for 29, though. I gather it will be a fun and exciting year. Or at least that’s my hopeful prediction. Thoughts are things, right?
Adam and I will be celebrating this weekend either way! We’re going to a fancy dinner tomorrow night at a lovely French restaurant we went to last year and I’m looking forward to the dim lighting and delicious food. Our friends Laura and Gabe arrive on Sunday and I can’t wait to pop some champagne and celebrate with them. They’ll be here for a few days and I’m excited to show them around Bern.
What are you up to this weekend? I hope you get to spend some time with friends—this is a popular Friendsgiving weekend—and family. They are the best people.