Search Queries: Vol. 3

I love this part! This is when I highlight a few of the gems that people type in to search engines, which (whether intentionally or not) then lead them to my blog. Let’s go!

• “nurse nude”  Methinks this refers to a Halloween post from 2011. I dressed up as a mental patient and Adam dressed as Nurse Ratched from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. Everyone using this search is probably looking from some busty blond babe. Unfortunately (Fortunately?), they instead see a 6’5″ sassy man cross-dressing. Joke’s on you, sir.
• “job interview facebook”   I am the last person you should be consulting on how to ace your interview. Why? 26 and jobless. Enough said. But, I think this may be what you ended up finding.
• “two children holding hands” Ahh, yes, you know me so well. Sadly, this post from a couple weeks ago doesn’t have any mini-mes holding hands, but it does have a tiny tot with sunglasses and a fierce attitude. Enjoy.
• “pantomime babyparty” Interesting combination: One thing I hate and one thing I love. Oddly enough, one of my biggest pet peeves is watching people pantomime eating or drinking. It drives me insane. I hate how fake and exaggerated it looks and watching someone pretend to get primitive on a chicken thigh usually makes me feel itchy. ::shudder:: On the other hand, I love baby parties. Jill knows this about me (and is an accomplice, to boot!) Turns out your query led you here where I urged you to visit the blog Honest Toddler. Have at it!
• “which character nick or greatsby seems to be reflection of the author in the novel great gatsby” More importantly, who’s asking? Furthermore, looks like you’re reading a wee bit too much of this blog to make a Freudian slip like that…
• “sweet baby squirrel” I love this one. This video slays me. A little girl plays with a dead squirrel and pronounces it her new best friend. I’m not even surprised I get so many hits based off this query. Who wouldn’t want to see that?!
• “what is murderous rage” This IS!

I will CUT you

Curiosity

I’ve been looking through my novels as I study for my final exam (which is tomorrow), checking my marginalia for inspiring and useful thoughts. Naturally, it gives me a chance to reread important passages that will not only be helpful for my studies, but also helpful for my life. This is one such quote from Graham Swift’s Waterland (Vintage 1983):

Children, be curious. Nothing is worse (I know it) than when curiosity stops. Nothing is more repressive that the repression of curiosity. Curiosity begets love. It weds us to the world. It’s part of our perverse, madcap love for this impossible planet we inhabit. People die when curiosity goes. People have to find out, people have to know. How can there be any true revolution until we know what we’re made of?

Most of the novels I read for this particular class involve the power that narratives have to shape our world. The way we construct stories out of the past affects so much of our understanding of the present. I have written in my notes, “The past insists on persisting in the present.” How interesting, right?

As an English scholar I feel an inherent curiosity to know my surroundings. I especially love being an observer and trying to figure out what makes me (and others) tick. I often construct stories about strangers, or even acquaintances, just to imagine what other possibilities are out there. I won’t even touch on my love for telling stories. I continue to be struck by the poignancy of the above quote and its ability to so beautifully capture a way I hope to behave in my own life. Just one of the many reasons I am so in love with literature.

 

For reference, the other books I read for this course were:

• The Remains of the Day Kazuo Ishiguro (Vintage 1990)
• England, England Julian Barnes (Vintage 2000)
• Midnight’s Children Salman Rushdie (Random House 1981)
• The Bloody Chamber Angela Carter (Penguin Books 1979)
• Sexing the Cherry Jeanette Winterson (Grove Press 1989)
• Possession A.S. Byatt (Vintage 1991)

image from tumblr.com via Pinterest

Unconscious

I bought a “vintage-esque” calendar in January of this year for two reasons: 1) I realized I was forgetting to do important stuff because it wasn’t written down anywhere, and 2) it was 75% off. There’s something about paying $15 for a calendar that grinds my gears so I always manage to wait until the point where Barnes & Noble basically pays me to take the thing out of the store. I’d like to keep it that way.

Each month shows a different woman in some various state of 1950s bliss accompanied by a snarky saying. Some of them are funny. And some of them are stupid. This one is particularly apt right now:

 

 

Now, looking at the physical relationship between the man and the woman (and based on all the other months of the year), I would say she is suggesting that he go knock himself out. But, I would prefer to think of this as a self-directive. I really wouldn’t mind going back to sleep right now and waking up about, oh, let’s just say mid-December.

I realize I’ve been on a streak of come-down-from-the-ledge moments as of late, but the best way for me to confront my stress and anxiety is to exaggerate it and then acknowledge that it’s really not all that bad and I will totally manage to get it all done. I guess this is my best coping mechanism? And, of course, sharing with you all.

teeheehee

 

Anyone else feeling like a little stress ball right now?

 

p.s. I almost ran over my clock yesterday because it was ticking too loudly. I’m in a dark space.

Overheard

Today as I walked through campus, I overheard a girl on the phone say, “It was like a serious Breaking Bad moment.”

 

Whoa! Were you in a lethal shoot-out with a drug lord? Cooking meth? Dying of cancer? So many things were running through my mind. What exactly qualified as a Breaking Bad moment.

 

I guess I’ll never know.

 

Just another reason to walk through campus without my ipod…

 

A Toddler Makes the Rules

This blog is. a. riot.

Not this one, well, yes this one, but this one.

I’m a big fan of babies as adults. Not like Angela on The Office, a little more mild than that. Like, making babies pantomime dance moves that are obviously too advanced for them, or having a baby party and then making two babies come together and hug each other at an outdoor cafe while Swiss people look on horrified. Only Jill understands this last part.

Anyway, babies and toddlers are hysterical. Probably some of my favorite people in the world. This blog post, written from the point of view of a toddler is a hoot. Said toddler tries to delicately describe to a part what a dinner menu should look like with four carefully chosen options. I particularly love:

• Step 5 of Option 1: Toast with Butter, “Ask toddler how he or she would like toast prepared or cut. Don’t make assumptions. You don’t know anything about anything.”
• Step 7 of Option 2: Pasta with Butter, “Resist the urge to add spices or parmesan cheese which is not actual cheese but very small flakes of dry cheese and disgusting. If there is something wrong in your head and you try to add a puree of garbanzo beans or nutritional yeast you are not ready to be a parent.”
• Step 3 of Option 3: Crackers and Cheese, “Select a normal, non-artisan cheese like mild cheddar. Cut squares that are all the same shape. Don’t let cracker crumbs stick to the cheese. Please take some pride in your work.”

Seriously, it’s a scream. You should definitely read it. I really like to read something by a parent than can find a great sense of humor in child rearing. While many years from producing little creatures myself, I tend to get my exaggerated eye-roll on when I read too much about home births, feeding babies like they’re a little bird, or elimination communication. (woof in regards to that last one, by the way). This blog is refreshing to say the least.

 

On that note, Happy Weekend! And here’s to enjoying meals not dictated by a diaper-wielding toddler. Huzzah!

 

I Really Love Reading

via

“What really knocks me out is a book that, when you’re done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it.”

I know just how you feel, Holden.

Note to Self: NEVER Read the Comments

I cruise the internet A LOT for my internship. Researching recipes, chefs, restaurants, cities, other publications, etc. I spend a majority of my time doing this, with the odd writing assignment thrown in there. As one can (hopefully) imagine, reading interviews by chefs, a review of a new restaurant, or just a neat article about whatever can sometimes get me sidetracked and next thing I know I’m reading about something completely unrelated to what I’m working on. But, I’m getting paid in salt water taffy and compliments on my hair so I think the extra five minutes on Bon Appetit is going to be OK in the long run.

Moving forward in the story, the other day I was reading about a new burger joint that is opening in Charlottesville (this actually has to do with a work task so it’s cool). The article mentioned that it will be very “sports bar-esque” with TVs,  extensive beer menu, and a lively atmosphere. As a non-resident and a simpleton, I didn’t really care about this. But some people did:

“We downtown people do not eat hamburgers and french fries.” Whaaaaaa?

 

People who take the time to comment as such, on a totally innocuous article, are the worst. I am actually saying that out loud in italics. Just imagine it with me. Seriously. I’ve spent much more time on the internet with the internship than I normally do and I’m finding out that people like this are all over the place. Again with the italics. I mean, who are you?! Where are you? I want to avoid you at all costs.

I absolutely cannot understand hecklers like this. And these ones I’ve shared with you are relatively harmless. I read an article on Huffington Post last week about a sad breakup story between lesbians and the accompanying reader comments made me want to throw a dumbbell at someone’s face. Legitimately. I guess what I’m saying is that this has to be one of the worst things about the internet and the burgeoning social platform it has become. Kinda makes you not want to write anything any more.

 

 

 

Searching for Answers

My most recent (notable) search query:

“me going to harvard”

 

Not with that English.

 

Put Down the Woman

Each morning I wake up at what I deem to be a reasonable time–this morning was 7:30–make a cup of coffee and go surfing…with nary a wave in sight. Blog surfing is actually my specialty. I’ve been in this routine for months and it helps clear away the dream fog and get me in a better mind to work. I won’t tell you how long this process takes.

 

So this morning I was reading a relatively new blog in my arsenal and was delighted to come across this parable of sorts:

Two traveling monks reached a ford in a river where they met a young lady of the night.  Wary of the current, she asked if they could carry her across.  One of the monks hesitated, but the other quickly picked her up onto his shoulders.  Together the monks strode through the river until they reached the other side.  The monk set the prostitute down on the other bank. She thanked him and continued her journey.

As the monks continued on their way, one was brooding and preoccupied.  Unable to hold his silence, he spoke with anger.  “Brother, our spiritual training teaches us to avoid any contact with women – let alone that sort of woman – but you picked that one up on your shoulders and carried her!”

“Brother,” the second monk replied, “I set her down on the other side, while you are still carrying her.”

 

Jess, the writer of this blog, commented that whenever she is still holding on to an issue way past its prime she tells herself to “put down the woman” and let it go.

I’m not sure on the origins of this story, but I thought it was fantastic, especially in light of yesterday’s post. I know ranting posts are not terrifically fun to read, but they are cathartic to write. In my case, yesterday I was able to go on a long, relaxing run/walk and truly let go of my frustrations of the morning. I came back to my work with a far more positive outlook and managed to get quite a bit of writing done. While it isn’t always easy, “putting down the woman,” or dropping our vexations is sometimes just the medicine we need.

 

 

And if that won’t, then this image surely will:

 

via

Have a wonderful day!

Illiterate

 

This morning I finished the short novel The Pearl by John Steinbeck, which would mean I am only five books away from fulfilling my New Year’s Resolution (see Book It page for more info). I This semester provided me with a lighter reading load (insert fist pump), so I’ve had more opportunity to free read. Thus, ten books have been dominated and it’s not even April.

Back to The Pearl. At the end of the novella is a frightening little advertisement from Coalition for Literacy. It says:

 

 

 

 

 

 

By the year 2000, 2 out of 3 Americans could be illiterate.

It’s true. Today, 75 million adults…about one in three, can’t read adequately. And by the year 2000, U.S. News & World Report envisions an America with a literacy rate of only 30%. Before that America comes to be, you can stop it…by joining the fight against illiteracy today.

This edition was published in 1974. Assuming this ad was created around the same time the book was published, the Coalition for Literacy was forecasting a soaring illiteracy rate in only 26 years. That’s crazy. What if that were true? It’s hard to imagine, isn’t it? Society today moves at a startling pace. To survive, you must be able to read. You must be able to communicate, in a current fashion. If you can’t say it in 140 characters and a snarky hashtag, who is listening?

I suppose I am constantly amazed at how fast we are progressing, and I know I’m not saying anything new here when I lament that I don’t always believe we are moving in the right direction. With a jarringly accelerated pace to society and an increasing importance on the meta (“So-and-so is about to become a hyuge star with the release of her new movie”–but how do you know?! it hasn’t even happened yet!) it’s hard to ever really feel relevant.

But, I know I can be thankful for my literacy. Man, I am so thankful.

 

artwork courtesy of esolatwork.com