You Should Know

• I have a bun on top of my head that makes me look like Mulan. I think it keeps my brain warm, thus leading to more productive hours sitting behind my computer.
• I just heard a girl outside my apartment say that she “woke up this morning and threw up her life.” Then she proceeded to make a gagging sound. 1-800-struggling.
• The sun always streams in the window by my computer really harshly in the early afternoon. It causes tremendous glare on my computer screen, which frustrates me. Today I yelled, “NO, sunlight!” like it was a disobedient toddler or something. Apparently I was channeling an inner Scrooge I’ve been repressing.
• I can’t stop talking about an imaginary pony named Rhonda Steve.
• This morning my physical therapist asked me how my birthday was. She asked, “22nd right?” And I nearly bit her head off when I quickly corrected, “No, 25th.” She was confused and said, “Oh, I thought it was on the 22nd.” I fist-palmed my forehead for being so obtuse. Yes, I explained, it was my 25th birthday on the 22nd of November and tried to explain why I had been so jumpy. When we were in New York with Adam’s family the waitress took my wine glass away because she said I looked “13 years old, 16 at the oldest.” Burn. Then, the manicurist last week asked me if I was celebrating my 19th birthday. Hurts so good. So naturally I’ve been a bit defensive about my age. My aunt reminded me I will be thankfully for my youthful glow when I’m older and people want to start calling me “ma’am.”
• I think Bluetooth headsets are some of the funniest gadgets that have ever been made. They supply us with a near-endless amount of jokes.
• Today I was buying some baby clothes to give my friend who is due any moment, and as I looked at how adorable and cute all the clothes were an impulsive, “Aw, I want one” thought fluttered through my mind. I slapped myself and ran screaming out of the aisle.